Kristina Driskill is a performing arts consultant who has worked in an individual teaching capacity with over 1,000 performers. To find out more about her services or to register for her Performance Anxiety Course opening February 1, visit www.kartsconsulting.com
“Are you nervous?”
I will never forget that moment. I was at a post-grad audition, and I had just finished singing my first piece. The audition was being held in the theatre; the stage lights were on, the audience lights were off, and as I stared into the black abyss wondering who was out there and how many of them there were, that was the question that came out of the darkness: “Are you nervous?”
I stammered and made excuses. I told them I was just getting used to the hall which really wasn’t true, although I was taken off guard by the crappy acoustics and the slightly snide tone of the voice that spoke to me. The truth was I was horribly nervous. I felt out of my element; I was in a place filled with architectural and emotional coldness, and that wasn’t me. And while I was prepared, I was completely intimidated and scared. That question made it even worse.
I wish that scared kid could have known what I know now. I would have easily commanded that space regardless of the cold environment, the famous names, and the prestige. I still would have been nervous, and in spite of it I would have made some serious art. I would have answered that question with a resounding “ABSOLUTELY” – and I would have smiled as I said it.
I’d love to say that moment was a turning point for me, that because of that experience, I figured out something that changed the way I was able to tap in to my higher potential. But that wasn’t the case. I suffered personally for years, not because I lacked the talent, intelligence, or potential – I was getting hired and I was on an ascending career path. I was constantly improving; I was good at what I did, and I was starting to become recognized for it. I had every reason to feel confident, but I didn’t. And as I got older, it seemed to get worse.
Why was this happening? I didn’t know; all I knew was that I worked very hard at my craft, I was always prepared, and yet when it got remotely close to performance time I felt like I was going to barf and my body started trembling. It was a horrible feeling, one that would stay through the beginning of every performance, and if it was short like an audition, then I had the pleasure of feeling that way the whole time. I only felt good afterward if there was a good outcome – getting hired, good applause, kindness from audience members… I loved performing, but I began to hate the seemingly never-ending cycle of hard work/barf-nerves/succeed or fail.
My turning point did come, but ironically, it coincided with my desire to move away from performing and more into teaching. That wasn’t a choice I made because I didn’t want to perform anymore, but rather because I fell in love with teaching. For me, I realized that my greatest joy came from sharing what I knew with others. And so as I began to accept less work as a performer, I delved into creating resources that could help others learn what I had figured out.
There are many reasons that performance anxiety occurs in so many. First of all, if you are among the performers who experience this, you’re not in the minority here. Of course you may not know that, since no one seems to talk much about this. Having performance anxiety is often seen as being shameful or unusual for a performer, and neither is true. I would assert that no one really talks about this openly because no one wants to admit weakness in a field where there is so much competition. And yet this “weakness” is practically a unifying factor – after all, public speaking/presenting is the number one fear of humans, more so than heights, bugs, and death. That’s right, what performers do: presenting in front of a group – is Number One.
The accompanying list of symptoms is long and somewhat amusing, albeit not in the moment perhaps. There are the usual symptoms everyone imagines: nervous stomach, trembling hands and shaky knees, racing heart; ever had to pee, poo, or vomit before you went on stage? There’s a reason for that. Ever gotten clammy hands, dry mouth, or felt like you couldn’t see close up? Scientific explanations for those too. Ever notice that you speak a lot faster or sing at a faster tempo than what you planned? Yep – there are reasons for all of this. And those are just some of the many physiological symptoms. Let’s not forget the mind, which can start racing with all kinds of thoughts…while the symptoms are universal, how many of them and to what extent they are experienced are unique to the individual and can be based on an equation that deals with perceptions of the situation and one’s coping strategies.
So how did I cure myself of this? The short answer is that I didn’t. But through years of research and learning how the brain’s thought processes work, I learned how to channel that energy into something I can use to my benefit. I learned the importance of perception and mindset and how to train myself to change hard-wired habits. I learned techniques that lessen the effects of the physiological symptoms. I became fascinated by how my human reacts to non-life-threatening circumstances as if it were actually being threatened, and I embraced that phenomenon with grace. So while there’s no hard fast cure for performance anxiety, I’ve figured out how to change the outcome to be in my favor. I do still experience some of these symptoms, but they don’t stand in my way.
I wish someone had told me what I know now when I was younger; it would have saved me a lot of time and energy and frustration, and I could have empowered myself a lot sooner. Nothing is lost, though. I use these skills every time I give a presentation, and now I’m sharing what I learned with others. And as I have always told my students and clients, I share what I know in the hope that others don’t have to wait as long to figure things out as I did.
Kristina Driskill is a performing arts consultant who has worked in an individual teaching capacity with over 1,000 performers. To find out more about her services or to register for her Performance Anxiety Course opening February 1, visit www.kartsconsulting.com